it's been a hell of a december. horror highlights: I had the H1N1 virus, and my s.o., jim, decided to move out (tomorrow, on the new year). it's an amicable parting, probably best for us both, but very sad. these last few days of saying good-bye have been heartbreaking. and now I am faced with my entire future--grocery shopping for one (is there anything sadder?), wondering whether I will be able to afford to stay in this house or have to sell and rent. should I (can I stand to) stay in Savannah until I am vested at school (6 more years) and eligible for a pittance of a retirement? can I manage Lucy (dog) alone? can I manage myself alone?
this entire past decade has been one of swift and profound change. life as we knew it in the U.S. ended on September 11, 2001. and racism as we know it took a big hit on January 20, 2009. war, unfortunately, is not over.
among other personal endings I faced the end of my marriage, of my son living at home, of my life in a house I loved on a lake in Atlanta, of my professional relationships with my editors and agent...and now of my relationship with jim. I have endured lyme disease, gallbladder surgery, several colonoscopies, all manor of minor ailments, and clinical depression.
among the good things: I published two novels and a chapbook. my son graduated (BS, MS) from Stanford and began living a cool life working for Yelp! in San Francisco. my daughter married and had my grandson, my beloved max, while managing to continue working as community editor of The New York Times web. her husband, my son-in-law, quickly worked his way from beginning a writing career as a freelancer to executive editor of Billboard magazine, and a veteran TV guest.
I became a certified high school teacher, which, despite current furloughs and salary and step freezes and a wide variety of annoyances, has meant that I can (barely) support myself for the first time in my life. I also began a meditation practice, which has helped me in every aspect of my life.
so tonight the decade ends--with no less than a blue full moon eclipse. and though I grieve the loss of all that has passed, I acknowledge that all things do pass, and I am grateful for all I have and for having lived.
and, oh yeah, I am grateful for henrietta, my 2000 honda civic, who, bless her engine, is NOT giving up the ghost with the decade.
happy new year.