december, darkness and light

so, I've had another birthday. attended a few holiday school functions, scrimped and spent . the year comes to an end and the prospect of a new one glimmers.
it's december. a month of duality--of brightly lit candles and early falling dark, festivity and anxiety, cheer and drear (<--I'm making that a word). a month befitting my hybrid name, which most name etymologies say means Bitter (see Mary, below) Grace (Anne, from Hannah):

Mary: Usual English form of Maria, which was the Latin form of the New Testament Greek names Μαριαμ (Mariam) and Μαρια (Maria) - the spellings are interchangeable - which were from the Hebrew name מִרְיָם (Miryam). The meaning is not known for certain, but there are several theories including "sea of bitterness", "rebelliousness", and "wished for child". However it was most likely originally an Egyptian name, perhaps derived in part from mry "beloved" or mr "love".

so that's me, dual-natured, rebellious, bitter, trying for grace, and that's december, too. the darkest month of the year, moving toward light. maybe that's everything.